How? Why? When did this happen?
I've always been a good person. I've tried to be anyway. How could this happen to me?
Throughout the ongoing trials and tribulations of learning what life has in store after graduating from college, I have made a diligent effort not to look in the mirror out of fear of what I might find. Would I see a man? Would I see a coward? A dreamer? A gentleman and supported pillar of the community? Or would I see a ladies man frequently referenced to as Mr. Flinstone because I make the bed rock? It occurs to me now that I would find only one thing...
The Second Chin
The Second Chin
The Second Chin is a banner that some of us wave from the base of our initial chin that reads: "I like bacon, cheese, beer, sitting down, laying down, and listening to Mr. Mister and Cutting Crew singles in XL sweatpants and a sauce-stained novelty Delaware t-shirt".
The Second Chin has a personality of it's own. Because there is no bone structure naturally created to uphold the physical integrity of the Second Chin, it constantly sways like a flesh ponytail from one side of your face to the other without a worry in the world. The Second Chin is mostly made of BUSCH 16-ounce beers and DiGiorno pizzas. But I've heard that there are some other variations.
For being the caring and thoughtful person that I truly believe I am... I did the unthinkable. I pulled a Michael Bolton and told my body "Said I loved you... but I lied".
My brain and body had a great relationship for years. They studied diligently, conversed existentially, worked out feverishly, ate responsibly, slept soundly, and cared deeply about each other. The relationships lasted roughly 22 years. 22 colorful, spontaneous, passionate, wonderful years.
The separation started when I was introduced to Chair. Well... I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it was a love triangle... there was a third party... Computer Screen. Although I had been casually introduced to Chair and Computer Screen in college, we never really had much interest in each other. We had different hobbies and were never really in the same place at the same time.
After college, we both started working together at the same company. It was convenient. We had fun at times, but it was really more of a working relationship than anything. But... it was convenient. We've all heard that Lionel Richie tune before, right?
The problems grew once we started seeing each other after work... at my place. They needed a place to stay, and... well... I have a place, and I'm a sucker for those in need. At first, I thought it would be a short-term thing.
It's been three years and they're still here.
Without my permission they invited Second Chin to start hanging out with us about six months ago. I finally realized how out of control this relationship has become when I discovered that somehow they have been able to find a way for Second Chin to live here too. It was probably easy for them at first because Second Chin is reasonably quiet. But I'm noticing now how much room Second Chin takes up.
It's amazing how we allow unhealthy relationships to get to the most extreme of circumstances. I know I need to do something. I've been bruised and battered for long enough.
Rachel Ray and Maury haven't helped much. I'm not sure if any other highly trained professional with polished credentials can help me at this point either.
I don't need training or credentials.
I need one person.
So, as one sweeping conclusive paragraph is written, an epiphany has occurred.
I'm going to head to the bathroom and think this through for an hour or so.
Until next time followers (which I think is just Mark): Keep your mind on your chin, and your chin on your mind, or you might be frightened by the chin that you find.